I don’t mean to make light of crisis we’ve found ourselves in for ten months and counting. This is not a silver lining article. It’s a disaster how many have died and seeing Trump selfishly rip apart the fabric of our democracy, while single-handedly accounting for tens of thousands of needless deaths has been distressing and heartbreaking. I wish I could have done more to participate in protests, volunteer & contribute to the change in society but as a parent of two young children often my actions couldn’t follow my heart.

Leaving aside all of the terrible externalities, unlike many, 2020 wasn’t the worst year for me. It started off with a lot of hope, but with incredible trepidation as I separated from my wife, moved out over New Years and began a fresh life on my own. Early on, the stresses were terrible: trying to make my apartment a warm home for my children as a single sad in less than two weeks. And just as I felt like we were starting to get in a new groove, the virus struck. Those early days were among the scariest of my life as so many were sick and it was impossible whether it was the run-of-the mill winter viruses in NYC or this mysterious and deadly new disease. Juggling the crisis at work, fearing there would soon not be a job for me, while splitting the responsibilities of keeping two small children cared for & calm without childcare, the ability to go outside or even zoom school led to long & stressful hours. Meanwhile, contemplating losing the rhythm of my typical routines that maintained my day-to-day sanity led to more than a few CBD pills to help with the many sleepless nights interrupted by non-stop sirens from ambulances transporting the sick.

But over time, my ex and I hatched a plan to get our nanny back to work (which involved me renting a car and driving back and forth to Brooklyn) to allow us to get back to a somewhat reasonable schedule. Despite the long days spending 3, then 4, then 5 hours in a car in growing NYC traffic as the crises at work abated, a sense of normalcy started to slowly return as weather warmed. By July, our nanny was taking the subway in masks & gloves, I got back close to a usual work schedule fully comfortable spending my day in Zoom meetings and our oldest son even went to camp. Meanwhile, I deepened my relationship with my immediate family and got back together with first love, who I’ve known since high school and has always been special to me. Once I was able to coax her out of her apartment in late-April, we took endless walks through the quiet City and by summer, felt safe to venture out of town. Ultimately we had a great summer visiting nearly every beach from the central Connecticut coast to southern Maine and enjoyed countless outdoor meals. We found a great cafe in a random beach town in RI, ate killer Lobster Rolls on a hotel rooftop in Portsmouth, NH and even enjoyed a good Italian meal under a tent in a downpour next to a highway in Worcester, MA. In the fall, despite the trepidation, both of my kids put on masks & went to school 2-3 days a week, I coached my inaugural fall soccer season and all felt like we’d hit a nice groove.

If I had to look back over the past four years, I might take 2020. In, 2017 I joined Goldman & had a great trip to England but it’s the year when the relationship with my wife started to break down. MLK weekend 2018, my son was born at 24 weeks and we almost lost him. His homecoming was the happiest moment of my life but it was also a moment of incredible panic as I feared for my abilities to take care of him and the bottled emotions that I held down through 4.5 months led to a near mental breakdown. 2019 was supposed to be the year everything came together as my son made great strides and our family found normalcy in a new, larger apartment but increasingly the focus turned to dealing with our broken marriage.

In some own weird, screwed up way, I learned a lot in 2020 and I think it could be a turning point in my life. It showed me what’s really important: your health and that of those around you, maintaining a sustainable lifestyle with mental balance & the love of those with whom you’re closest. Sure, there were lots of things I missed and I’ll never forget the frustration as it seemed like my life was being taken away last March. I couldn’t travel to see close friends and relatives, but a tight bubble of my girlfriend and my boys is all I really need and I’ll never forget that. I couldn’t play baseball with the Central Park Cubs last summer, but I could go golfing and found the mental zen that can only come three miles into a long run. I couldn’t jet off to Europe with a great beach scene but a drive Hammonasset Beach in Connecticut with my girlfriend and her dog was OK by me. For sure, losing access to the best of NYC’s cuisine was a real bummer and it would be great to go back to a cool rooftop bar sometime, but I’ll probably be more likely to go for the outdoor option in all seasons now. I couldn’t go to concerts or see the Yankees, but taking long walks at night and occasionally coming upon small, impromptu outdoor performances always seemed extra special. And with the increasingly cold weather, as the options narrowed, I learned to ride a Peloton for exercise, slow-cook Coq au Vin & other great recipe finds on Pinterest and find the joy in a weekend of binge watching HBO Max with my girlfriend. Oh and I also started this blog.

But sadly, it’s not just the lack of intense personal drama that made 2020 a better year for me than many others. I believe it had to do with the resiliency I’ve developed with the challenges life has thrown my way and — thanks to my loved ones & a good therapist — to identify what’s most important and focus on what I had as opposed to what I was missing. I ran into a close relative recently who’s in the process of moving out of the City. He recounted how unhappy his family has been and how long it’s been since he enjoyed one of those classic NY moments that make it worth it to spend so much to live in such small spaces here. As I reflect on the conversation, I found that writing the last paragraph about the things I miss was harder than I thought but it’s easy to recount many memorable & unique ‘Only in NYC” moments over the past year:

• The joy in the streets when they announced Biden was elected and how we found ways to share our collective emotion while remaining safe

• Enjoying quiet spring and summer days in North Meadow, Central Park, which was left unpermitted and opened to the public

• Walks over a nearly-empty the Brooklyn Bridge to Brooklyn Bridge Park

• My favorite birthday dinner ever on the rooftop of STK & fall brunches in heated outdoor cafes like Lafayette, La Mercerie at the Guild and The Waverly Inn

• Visiting Katz’ Deli in the worst of the pandemic and seeing how they adapted to survive and continue feeding NY

• Getting to-go cocktails and day drinking in Hudson River Park

• Eating pizza from a box and drinking wine from a plastic cup in an illegal sidewalk cafe in June on Houston street

• Taking my boys to the Intrepid and having the whole ship to ourselves

• Every time I got on an empty, air-conditioned subway that didn’t smell

• The loud ruckus we made every night at 7pm all spring

• Everything without tourists

As I reflect on this, I think there have become three types of people — excluding vulnerable populations like the elderly & immunocompromised — who have been inconvenienced by COVID-19 rather than being directly affected by the illness or lost a loved one:

1. Those who are petrified of COVID-19, have retreated from all of life’s joys and isolated to protect themselves: This is the root of “COVID fatigue” and all of these people are miserable. They’ve made panic decisions to completely change and isolate their lives rather than find ways to stay & safely adapt. If they have kids, they’re not going to school and the stresses of children at home have long outweighed its charm.

2. Those who started as #1 but eventually grew tired of it and tried to recapture as much of their previous lives as possible. They decided the cure was worse than the disease and decided if they caught COVID it beat the alternative because they could no longer live with restrictions. These are the people getting on planes to wherever they an go, risk their health and those around them, often resent they have to where masks when they do and generally try to pretend we’re not in a pandemic. Sure, it’s going to be cool to talk about all those “underground speakeasies” they went to and all of those cool adventures they went on when they could take advantage of great travel deals, but at what risk / cost?

3. Those who learned the rules, respected them, took acceptable levels of risk but generally sought to stayed safe and found ways to adapt, like stopping traveling, always wearing masks and sending our kids to hybrid school.

I’d like to think of myself as the third person. We are resilient, we’re staying here in New York City, and are very happy to. Sure, I can’t wait for this nightmare to be over, but if it didn’t, I could keep living this way and be content. In the coming weeks as we get vaccinated, the weather warms and we begin to we find not just the new normal, but regain so much of what makes life in NYC so wonderful, I won’t just look back at these times with the feeling of accomplishment for getting through the pandemic, but in finding life’s joys with those who are closest to me & finding daily pleasure in a difficult time when so much of what makes this the best place to live in the world was taken away.